Community-of-Darkness

Seid gegrüßt!
Da ich mir des öfteren englische Witze durchlese, und einige davon echt gut sind, dachte ich mir alle interessierten mal dran teilhaben zu lassen

George B.: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to know.
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm telling you.
George B.: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The guy in China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The new leader of China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The Chinaman!
Condoleeza R.: Hu is leading China.
George B.: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condoleeza R.: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George B.: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza R.: That's the man's name.
George B.: That's who's name?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.

George B.: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza R.: That's correct.
George B.: Then who is in China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Then who is?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: No, thanks.
Condoleeza R.: You want Kofi?
George B.: No.
Condoleeza R.: You don't want Kofi.
George B.: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condoleeza R.: And call who?
George B.: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the guy in China.
George B.: Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi.
George B.: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condoleeza R.: Rice, here.
George B.: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East


Und der nächste:

The stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for
some course problems, but seemed to be paying only half
attention to his replies. "Are you feeling OK?" he
asked.
"Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex
with every man I meet," she admitted. "Is there a name
for my condition?"
"Why yes, there is," he said, as he picked her up and
began carrying her to the couch. "It's called 'Good
News'."

Resurrected

Seid gegrüßt!
Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery
and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a
moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a
psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well .... the light was on..."

Resurrected

Seid gegrüßt!
lol ange_noir, den gleichen kenn ich auf deutsch ein wenig abgeändert...
wie dem auch sei

Once upon a time, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh
Day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards
Through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to
Call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.

"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity
and Wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor - Over there
I've Placed a Continent of white people, and over there is a Continent
of black People. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be Extremely
Hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and
Said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on
Earth. There are beautiful streams, hills, and forests. The people from
Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and
humorous, and They Are going to be found traveling the world. They will
be extremely Sociable, Hardworking, and high achieving, and they will be
known throughout the World As diplomats, and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What
About Balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God smiled, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in the other Washington."

Resurrected

Seid gegrüßt!

A rich Beverly Hills lady got very angry at her French maid.
After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings
as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid.
The maid, with her Gaelic ancestry, couldn't allow such
abuse to go unanswered. "Your husband considers me a better
housekeeper and cook than you, Madame. He has told me
himself."
The rich bitch just scowled and said nothing. "And
furthermore," the angry girl continued, "I am better in bed
than you!"
"And I suppose my husband told you that, too?"
"No, Madame," said the maid. "The chauffeur told me that!"

Resurrected

Seid gegrüßt!

Keep It
=======

I'm not at all satisfied with the evidence against you," said the judge to the

prisoner on trial, "so I shall find you not guilty. You are discharged."
"Oh, good," said the prisoner, "does that mean I can keep the money?"

Too Low
=======

A man traveling over 125 miles per hour on the interstate
was stopped by a highway patrol. "Sorry, officer," said the
driver, "was I driving too fast?"

"No, sir. Our were flying too low."

Resurrected